Podcast4Him
Where we apply scriptural principles to every day Christian lives.
Podcast4Him
92 | Biblical Role Of The Family
Ever wondered how balancing spiritual commitments with personal well-being could transform your household? Join us for an enlightening exploration of the biblical order of the home and church as we, Jonathan Rich and Sean Sloggett, delve into the mutual responsibilities of spouses. Discover the role of Christ as the cornerstone of family life and how aligning with scriptural principles can create a harmonious and supportive environment. With references from 1 Corinthians 11:3, we navigate the spiritual hierarchy within the family, all while sprinkling in some laughter with personal stories that shed light on authority dynamics at home.
Husbands and fathers, ever feel the weight of leadership? This episode is for you. We unpack the delicate balance between your spiritual duties and mental health, emphasizing the critical need for self-care and positive influences. We dive into the qualities of effective leaders and the protective roles men play in their families. This conversation is not just about setting goals but also about taking action to achieve dreams, reinforcing that God desires active participation from each of us. By focusing on nurturing leadership, we aim to inspire men to lead with strength and empathy, ensuring a loving and secure environment for their families.
Unravel the secrets to deeper family connections by understanding and embracing love languages. We emphasize the transformative power of recognizing how your loved ones express affection and the importance of mutual respect and partnership in fulfilling biblical roles. Through engaging anecdotes, we highlight how catering to each family member's distinct way of expressing love nurtures a supportive atmosphere. With practical guidance and insights into the roles of husbands and wives, we illuminate the path to a balanced and united family dynamic, where both parents serve as role models and create a nurturing environment for their children.
If we are going to expect our wife to fulfill her biblical purpose, we have to fulfill our biblical purpose. We have to give just as much as they have to give. It's not a one-way street. Welcome back to the Everyday Christian Podcast, where we apply scriptural principles to everyday Christian lives. I'm your host, Jonathan Rich.
Speaker 2:And I'm Sean Sloggett, and we'd like to welcome you back to the Everyday Christian Podcast. This is unedited, so you'll get to see the real us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're going to get in a lot of trouble, for sure.
Speaker 2:We haven't done one in a little while.
Speaker 1:A of it holidays you know busy schedule.
Speaker 2:You all understand that everything was going on um. It is january 13th already.
Speaker 1:It's kind of weird to say that yeah, happy new year yeah, happy new year 2025, 2025.
Speaker 2:It's already getting started here. Lots of things coming up and in the works. Yeah, we are working on several things. We still have the mugs for sale, the tumblers yes, $25 for any of those New logo design, new backgrounds a bunch of things that we're working on oh boy. Yeah, so stay boy. Yeah, so stay tuned for that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're going to see us go in between a couple different backgrounds until we get it just right, probably Just testing everything out.
Speaker 2:We're not a professional setup by any means. So you guys get to see the real us yeah absolutely. But today we're going, tonight Tonight.
Speaker 1:Six o'clock.
Speaker 2:It would be like those. My pastor yesterday morning was talking and I'll be honest, I don't know where he was at in his sermon, but he was talking. He said I'm telling you what this evening. Yeah, I'm like well, it's 1130.
Speaker 1:It's 11 am. Yeah, I got so used to preaching at nights that I would do that sometimes. When people ask me to preach Sunday mornings, I'd be like tonight. I'm like oh wait, I meant today, this morning. I don't know why that's such a weird habit. I think I've only ever preached once or twice in the morning and I never got any callbacks.
Speaker 2:You never got the opportunity to make the mistake. Yeah, I didn't have a chance to make the mistake. I get it. But tonight we're going to be talking about the biblical order of the house. This is going to be kind of a two-part deal. We're going to be talking about the biblical order of the house and then the biblical order of the church. Some of it may kind of cross back and forth, and it's needed that it does cross back and forth, because without Christ in the home, you're going to fail, and without the home structure in the church, the church can fail. So it will be going back and forth, some intermingling there. But we will do our best to explain it if we feel like it needs it. If we go across something that you don't understand, feel free to message us. If you have our number, you can text us or whatever. If you don't have our number, well, there may be a reason. I can actually see live.
Speaker 1:I actually have live comments here too, so if you guys do leave a comment, I can read them here. If it's something we can answer on the podcast, great. If not, obviously we'll find you an answer later on. Like you said, we are live, so everything that you're seeing. If we make a mistake, we mess up our words. Please bear with us. We're used to pre-recording and then fixing all those errors and mistakes, but I believe that this will be a really good episode. It's one of those ones where I feel like every episode Sean and I do it could, just it could go forever, like we could talk about one aspect of the subject, and maybe someday we'll do that, or we could just dive into each portion of this podcast, especially in particular. But we're going to do our best to cover as much ground on this episode as we can and then hopefully do a part two and maybe a part three, brother Sean.
Speaker 2:Yes, sir. So the first order is Christ. We often talk about it and you know I'm not rebuking or criticizing anybody for this. I'm guilty of doing it, I've done it. This last couple weeks, my 8-year-old daughter, whitley, has been asking a lot of questions about it. My wife is a couple years older than I am, so she's asking Dad, are you the boss or is mom the boss, cause she's older? Yeah, you know. So we we've actually been having a lot of discussions lately. She had no idea that this was coming up.
Speaker 2:Uh, you know, and and me, being flesh, being man, will say something like well, I'm, you know, according to the Bible, I'm the head of the house, which is true, but Christ, above all, is the head of the house. Right, the word was made flesh. We should obey Christ, his teachings and his direction above all else. If we want the order of the house to be as biblical and as close as we can, we have to make Christ first, and without Christ, none of this foundation that we have is going to fail. My other points are going to be a little bit longer. Not that I'm trying to pull Christ out of it, because I believe wholeheartedly that Christ is and should be first, but I want to dive in a little bit more onto the husband, the father, the wife, the mother and the children as well.
Speaker 1:You know, brother Sean, christ. The scripture I wrote down and this sort of encompasses all of those things, but it's in 1 Corinthians 11.3. It says but I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ and the head of every woman is man and the head of Christ is God. And I think that we read that and we skim over that part that says the head of every man is Christ, and we even try to not pretend, but we say that Christ is number one. We say that Christ is the head of the home. But is that true? Is that something we're actually displaying? Is that something that we're actually living?
Speaker 1:If Christ is the head of the home, it goes above just I spoke to our youth Wednesday about digging deeper in Christ and it goes above just praying. It goes above just reading Bibles just to say you read your Bible. It goes above just worshiping to say you got your worship in. But it is the example that Christ gives us and the Bible really gives us, for not just how to be a good man, not just how to be a good husband, but to be a good person. And when it comes to my kids, and especially as they get older, I want them to know and look at me and see Christ, because really that's the only you know.
Speaker 1:You hear that song when they see me. Let them see Christ. But that truly is what my kids see right now. It's like if I tell them about Jesus and I sing songs to them about Christ and I read scripture to them about Christ, that's one thing and they'll have questions, sure, but how I display my life, how I am portrayed to them, it either shows them Christ or it shows them me, and I think that they're very merciful. They have a lot of grace. You know, when I yell at them across the room like what are you doing? You know that's probably not very Christ-like and they probably look at that and they even think that's not very Christ-like.
Speaker 2:I'll rebuke you a little bit later over that.
Speaker 1:Good, but they're very forgiving of that and I think that's the great thing about kids and I wanted to point that out. If you're listening, you are a parent. Sean's going to rebuke me later for this but I want you to know that there is grace. I think we all mess up, we all make mistakes, we all are struggling. No one has it figured out. And you look at those people that are, it seems like everything's perfect. I've had people come up to me in public and they're like, oh, your kids are just darling. I'm like thinking you don't know my kids, like I know my kids. But I want you to know that not everything has to be perfect and you're not going to make it's not going to be perfect.
Speaker 1:As the father, as the husband, as the man of the house, you're going to make mistakes, you're going to struggle with things, you're going to do things that are wrong. You're going to do things that, even if your wife and your kids submitted to it, it ends up being incorrect. You are going to fail. But at the same time, if you keep Christ at the helm, if you strive that's the key word I always want to do is like how do I strive to be like. Christ Is my answer to my children. Christ-like Is my answer to my wife. Christ-like Is my answer to the home. Christ-like, brother Sean.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm going to just go through. Start reading some of these of what the husband should be. If you feel like jumping in or have anything to add, just go ahead at any time. So the husband should be the leader of the home yeah, the one who leads by example, the one who's the protector of the home. There's a difference between a leader and a boss or a master. Yeah, a leader is not boss or a master. Yeah, a leader is not dominating, it's not abusive, he's not a bully, he's not aggressive, he's not angry, he's not diminishing and he's not selfish.
Speaker 2:To be a good leader, you also have to be a good follower and a good learner. Yeah, if you aren't learning from the word or following Christ, you will struggle as a leader. You know I'm doing things in my life to try to further my success, and one thing that always comes up is who are you putting yourself around? What kind of people are you hanging around? What kind of people are you talking to? And they always say if you're the smartest man in the room, you're not going to go anywhere. Yeah, which means you've got to be learning Right. Surround yourself by people who are smarter than you, that know more than you so you can learn. And as you learn, others are going to come up and then you can lead them. So, as the leader of our home, we need to be learning and again, it's not going to be perfect, we are going to mess up, but learning is part of the process of being a good leader.
Speaker 2:Next is the priest of the home Bringing your family to church on a regular basis. Yeah, I understand vacation and that is needed. I understand just taking breaks sometimes and that is needed, but regular church attendance is necessary and as men, we need to step up and do our part. You know, again, I understand going away and doing these hunting trips, because I mean I like hunting. We'll go away for a weekend or whatever it is. But children learn from their parents because that's who they spend the most time or should be spending the most time around. So when they see dad missing church two Sundays out of the month, you know it's going to leave that impact on them. So, as the husband and the father, we need to be the priest of the home. This part might get me in a little bit of trouble, but that's okay.
Speaker 1:We are live, so we can't edit any of this On the flip side of that.
Speaker 2:it doesn't mean that you have to go to every revival service at every church and go to every meeting at every church and every youth rally in the area. I'm sorry, oh boy. I'm sorry.
Speaker 1:We had a viewer on here and you said that and they left.
Speaker 2:I'm teasing. Support other churches. I believe in it. Visit other churches, get unity. I believe in all those things in it. Visit other churches, get unity. I believe in all those things. But I also believe in your physical and mental state being healthy. I live in Oklahoma. If I pulled up a map, we live in Oklahoma. If I pulled up a map, we live in Oklahoma. If I pulled up a map of every just Pentecostal holiness church within an hour's drive of me, say, I could probably go to a service every For close to the whole year.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But that's not healthy. I'm going to start losing sleep because we're out at good services. I'm not knocking it, but the rest of us start struggling from that. As the priest, we need to make sure that we are guiding them through the Christian as a Christian, but understanding that as we build our Christian faith, we need to be talking the talk but also walking the walk, and sometimes that means taking a step back for your physical and mental health as well, which that's another podcast for another time. You know, in the Old Testament times, the priests were always held to a higher standard. They were regarded as something sacred, something looked up to. If you want to be loved, appreciated, regarded men, we need to do something to prove our worth. We need to be a man about it. Do you have anything you want me to keep going?
Speaker 1:No, I think that I appreciate everything that you're saying and I think that I could add, obviously, a lot more to some of those things. I'm not going to for sake of time. But you know something that I just I want to keep harping on and I like that you had mentioned. It again was just the learner aspect of it. You know, a leader is really a learner. It again was just the learner aspect of it. You know, a leader is really a learner.
Speaker 1:I mean, you've got to understand that if you surround yourself with a bunch of you know bumbling doofuses that talk bad about their spouses all the time and talk bad about their kids all the time, you're probably not going to learn anything from them or learn how to be a good leader in your home. But if you surround yourself with individuals that you know are good leaders are all the things that Sean's about to mention a couple more. I've got some written down and I think he's covered a lot of them. But you look at their lives. I mean, when you surround yourselves with those individuals, it's like are they laborers, are they lovers? Are they learners, are they loyal? Do they do everything they can for their wives and for their kids?
Speaker 2:Are you reading my notes?
Speaker 1:I'm not. I'm not See. That's how good we are. Are those individuals worth looking up to and surrounding yourself by? And if they're not, no, the best thing you can do is not necessarily cut them off, never talk to them again, but glean from individuals that do display those Christ-like things and do display those things biblically, because we all have a lot to learn. You know, take it from me I don't know everything by any stretch of the imagination, but I want to. You know, look up to Christ. I want to know what the Bible says, but then I want to get a basic principle from individuals that are worth looking up to when it comes to leading my home, brother Sean.
Speaker 2:The husband and the father is also the protector. Yeah, god created men to be stronger. This isn't some sexist view that I have. It's science. Study it out if you feel like you must. But we were meant to protect our home, our wife and our family. If you use this strength to abuse your spouse and hit your kids, you are a coward, right. You're not a man. You're not a man. Again, I understand. We're human. We can mess up, but if that's an act that continues to happen, you are a coward Right. You can try and twist what I'm saying. You guys know exactly what I mean by this. I discipline my children, but there is a huge difference between discipline and abuse, and I fear that sometimes we make the mistake too often. Yeah, but all in all, as the protector, we need to covet those things we have in our home and take care of them, project our love for them by protecting them, not abusing. The husband is also a laborer. I say husband, father, he is also a laborer. I say husband, father, he's also a laborer.
Speaker 2:From the very beginning of the Bible, in Genesis 2, it says God's put man into the garden to tend it and to keep it. We were made to create things. We were made to build things. We were made to build things. We were made to care for the earth. God does not want idle, lazy men. Again, there's Bible for that. For being lazy. There's Bible against being lazy, not for lazy Bible against laziness. God wants those who are willing to go out and do and be active.
Speaker 2:I read one article that said God doesn't want dreamers and I was like, yeah, no, wait a minute. I believe that God does want dreamers, but all too often we stop at the dream. Yeah, and I think that was the point they were trying to make. Yeah, but just reading that God doesn't want dreamers, kind of I was like, wait, you know, I had double take. At least dream about those things, because dreams are what helps you set goals and goals gives you something to work towards, to achieve. So dream about it, but after your dream, wake up, shake off the sleep and put the dream to action, start working towards it. Be that laborer that God intended.
Speaker 2:Husbands and fathers are loyal and they're a lover. Ephesians commands us to love our wife just as Christ loved her. Commands us to love our wife just as Christ loved her. Most of us know our wife's needs or what our wife's needs or wants are, so do them. When you can Spoiler, buy her flowers and gifts, or if it takes just giving her some money and saying, hey, this is for you, don't spend it on the kids, don't spend it on me. Go treat yourself. Manicure, pedicure. If you need a new dress or a new shirt, shoot whatever. Go spend this money on you. Spend time with her. Do chores when you're at the house. Yeah, be physical with her. Compliment her when she wears that new dress or does her hair the way that you like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know a lot of us have heard of the book of the five love languages. Have you read that book? Mm-hmm, I read it twice, I think. Yeah, for those of you that haven't, I encourage you to go find it and look it up, read it. It talks about the five love physical touch and receiving gifts. You will find through reading this book that a lot of times you have a different love language in your spouse, or that your primary love language may be her secondary or nothing at all.
Speaker 2:That was something that I figured out with my wife. My wife's primary love language is quality time together. I totally missed it. I was buying her gifts. I was buying her gifts, I was sending her flowers, I was doing these things to try to show her that I appreciated her, and though she did appreciate it, it didn't seem like it was getting me very far, until I read this book and I realized she don't want gifts. She wants me just to spend a little bit of time with her. Yeah, and honestly to her, there's times where it doesn't matter If we just go sit down, watch a movie together and never say a word to each other, just laugh at the movie I said that word. Or if we go on a dinner date or just going on a walk. She wants to spend time with me.
Speaker 2:Her secondary, I feel like kind of bounces back and forth between physical touch which is obvious, what that is or acts of service. You know, physical touch, just walking up behind her when she's making dinner and wrapping my arms around her and giving her a hug. Or acts of service she's been wanting this shelf built and I realize that she keeps looking up shelves for this little corner over there and I've got the material, so I'm just going to go build it for her. Or she's stressed over everything that's happened throughout the day and I realized that, hey, the floor didn't get vacuumed so I'm going to go grab the vacuum, run it through the house for her. Just vacuum up for her.
Speaker 2:You know you do these. Find out what your spouse's love language is husbands and wives and do it for your kids as well, because you'll learn that your kids have a love language Right. You know, my oldest is physical touch. She wakes up and she comes in there and she looks for somebody. She'll walk straight in there and just I'll be sitting in a chair or a table or whatever. She'll walk in there and just sit on my lap, just lean her head up against me.
Speaker 2:You know, for me sometimes that's not my thing. So what do I do? Push her away? No, I've got to embrace that, because that's what makes her feel loved. Yeah, that's what makes that connection that she needs.
Speaker 1:Something that's really cool. I know we're gonna uh talk about the wives role in all of this as well. Maybe we should have our wives on here. That'd be really cool. They could probably speak on it better than we could.
Speaker 2:I did steal some notes because it would have been a good idea.
Speaker 1:We talked about our uh, we talked in our youth group about a little bit about this and my wife spoke for a little bit, so I I might have stolen a couple notes from her. One other thing that's really cool with this live is I shared this on there so that we can see it as we discuss it, but I'm going to hide that for now. So the thing about you know what Sean's talking about with the love languages, I think as men we sort of get the cart before the horse and really the the cart is a, a figment of our imagination, and I'll explain what I'm talking about. I think we sort of get very prideful. We get very my way or the highway. We get very um, this is how it's going to be. This is it Like laying down the law? No one's going to step in my way. No one's going to do all these things, and I don't want anybody else to. I don't want anybody to get me wrong as a man. You are the leader of the home, you are the head of the household. I've said it before. My wife's agreed with me, so I'm hoping that means something. But if I were to just tell my wife tomorrow hey, we're moving to Africa. This is what I feel like God wants me to do. She'd be hesitant, but she would do it and I love her for that. I'm not going to do that, by the way, morgan, if you're listening, unless God just really reveals himself and just light shines down from heaven. But I think that we sort of get this mentality. I think we sort of get this mentality that it is my way or the highway. My wife is to be submissive to me, my children are to be submissive to me, and we forget everything that Sean just spoke about.
Speaker 1:The Bible talks about us being leaders. It talks about us being laborers, lovers, learners, as he discussed, protectors, as he said. But if we are going to expect our wife to fulfill her biblical purpose, we have to fulfill our biblical purpose. We have to give just as much as they have to give. It's not a one-way street. I don't have the statistics in front of me, but I'm almost certain that the reason a majority of individuals get divorced in this country and many other countries is because it's all about me. It's all about me. It's all about me when I do stuff for my family, when I do stuff for my wife. It's not about me, it's about them, it's because I love them, it's all about me. When I do stuff for my family, when I do stuff for my wife, it's not about me, it's about them, it's because I love them, it's because I care for them.
Speaker 1:Jude, my youngest son, he's the same way. His loan language is physical touch and it is so annoying. Sometimes He'll just come and he'll just lay and he'll just like like a cat that like needs to have his belly scratched or something. He'll just lay and you're like what are you doing, dude? Like what's going on? I just I need you to hold me. Okay, I just wanted to hug dad, I just wanted to kiss dad, and so he kisses you on your sugar, gives you sugar on the cheek and he just, you know, lays on you and he goes to sleep. But I don't do those things because I love it. I do those things because I love him. I hold him because I love him. Sometimes he likes gifts. That's another love language of his. I give him gifts because I love him.
Speaker 1:My wife, my oldest son, my daughter, they all have different love languages. That, you know, I'm still sort of figuring out. I think we all sort of are, but I don't, and they do change over time and they change over time. But I don't do those things because I want and demand respect or I demand them to submit to me. I do those things because I love them and I care for them, for them, and as I grow closer to Christ, as we talked about, and as I continue to build a relationship with them, I can then in return, have the correct love and relationship that I want with my spouse and with my children. So we have to get over that mindset of it's my way or the highway.
Speaker 1:When was the last time you took your wife out on a date? When was the last time you bought her flowers or bought her something or gave her money? Or when was the last time you took your wife out on a date? When was the last time you bought her flowers or bought her something or gave her money? Or when was the last time you just sat and talked with her? You know when was the last time you guys have had a really deep conversation about anything. It doesn't even have to be about marriage or anything that you guys are facing.
Speaker 1:Sometimes, morgan and I will just sit there and we will talk for hours on the most random stuff and I don't know what it is Like. We'll sit there and be like how do we get off on this topic? But it's because we're connecting to one another, like what is? I'll pull that back up. What is that, you know? Is it active service? Is that quality time together? Is it those words of affirmation? Is it the physical touch? Is it receiving gifts? When you do those things, you are not doing them so that you will receive your love language in return. You're doing them because you love your spouse and those individuals in your life, brother Sean.
Speaker 2:As we're going through this and I probably should have mentioned this before I start on the husband, but think of Christ and the way he treats the church. On the husband, but think of Christ and the way he treats the church when you're going through life and doing these things. You know Christ has never demanded anything from us. Salvation is free. If you want it, whosoever will let him come, but he's not going to demand that you do it. Yeah, there are rules set to demand that you do it. There are rules set in place that you must follow as a Christian and as the husband and the leader of the home. There are rules that should be set, but nothing is demanded of you. If Christ treated husbands the way that husbands treat their wife and kids, some of us would be in big trouble. So keep that in mind as you're going through with some of these things and you're trying to look well as the leader of my home. Should it be this, how would God react or how would Christ have taken? You know, and I'm sure there's a lot of examples throughout the Bible that you can go read about, where you can probably pull some of that. But on to the wife and the mother. The wife is a helper, not a servant. She is submissive, but she is not suppressed. Saying that a wife and a mother is a helper is not meant to diminish the woman it's.
Speaker 2:I've said some things about the husbands and I'll say this about the wives. This kind of upsets me sometimes, Not kind of upsets me, it gets me when you see the woman who cooks. My wife cooks. The woman will set the table. Then the woman will get the kids' plates ready, fix their plates. Then she fixes her husband's plate, makes sure he has his Dr Pepper or his sweet tea or whatever it is, realizes she forgot the salt and pepper, goes and gets the salt and pepper, comes back, realizes that one of the kids has spilled his sweet tea. So then she goes and gets the paper towels, gets the mess all cleaned up and when she's finally ready where she can fix her plate, the food is now getting cold and everybody else is almost done. I appreciate my wife for doing those things. My wife wants to serve my plate and honestly there have been times where I have gotten in trouble from her because she's trying to do all these things because the husband demands it and she's taking on the role of servanthood not a helper.
Speaker 2:If my wife wants to fix my plate, I've learned to let her, otherwise I get in trouble. But I have also figured out that most times she makes the kids' plates first. Yeah, and I've got a one-year-old little girl that sits between me and my wife at the corner of the table right now. So while she's fixing everybody else's plates, guess what I'm going to help my wife? I'm going to start feeding Presley. I'm not going to demand that she goes and gets me another unsweet tea, because that's what I drink, or water, or whatever.
Speaker 1:That's the most un-Oklahoma thing I've ever heard of, by the way, but continue. I'm not from Oklahoma, I forgot.
Speaker 2:There is a huge difference between a helper and a servant. Think of it this way Mechanic is working on a car. He needs some help, so he's going to ask for a wrench. Or he's going to ask someone hey, why don't you go to the other side and start pulling that tire off the front over there while I'm working on this one? Or hey, will you start draining the oil, whatever the case is? But if you realize this situation, the mechanic is getting his hands dirty. Also, the guy that's out there is his helper. He's helping him get the job done. The servant would be sent out to do the work by himself. Hey, I need you to go take both tires off the front and then start ball bearings or U-joints or whatever you want to call. Hey, go get all the tools, your tools, and start the process for X, y and Z. You go drain the oil, but while you're at it, make sure you put the plug back in, make sure you put a new filter on it, make sure you refill it, make sure make sure, make sure.
Speaker 2:There's two very stark differences between the helper and the servant. Yeah, the helper has somebody getting down there with them and helping them. They're getting their hands dirty too. They're being a part of the family. The husband's not sitting up on the high horse. The wife's there to be the help. Yeah, the wife is to be the crown of the husband that sits upon his head, not the neck that turns and controls the head. It's another thing that burns me up Saying the husband's the head but I'm the head.
Speaker 2:It's another thing, that burns me up Saying the husband's the head but I'm the neck. I hope y'all don't say that.
Speaker 1:I hope you do, and we're ridiculing you for that. If you do, I hope.
Speaker 2:I can convince you to change your outlook. You're not the neck, ladies, you're the crown. You're the beauty of the head, you're the one that should be honored, recognized and your glory shown. A woman that is the neck is critical to the marriage. She's demeaning, always comparing her husband to others, belittling your husband, your kids, whichever, constantly nagging and causing strife, withholding herself from her husband and her kids. But the crown works on the marriage. The crown helps her kids learn. The crown builds her husband up, encourages her husband that this new business venture can go. This new business venture can go, encourages her kids to try harder at sports or school or whatever it is Compliments them on their work ethic and their good grades.
Speaker 2:The crown gives of herself, but the crown is to be shown off and the beauty of it to be shown, not just some piece that helps the body move. She should also be the caretaker and the builder of the home. She should be the loving, caring one, one, the one that wipes your tears. That's something that I am not. If brecken my boy, he's sick. If he falls and scrapes his knee, you like flick his knee, don't you get up? You're fine. I don't flick his knee, not that, but probably just about. This is something that I do with all my kids and I started it from a very young age. But they'll come in crying because they fell and you know their fingernails hurt. I tell them shake it off. Yeah, for sure, and I would, as it as baby, not babies, but you know they were talking learning. If their hand hurt, I'd grab their hand and say shake it off, you're okay, stop crying, you're good, you're good, we got this and I'd move on. I just yeah, I get hurt all the time too. You'll grow out of it.
Speaker 1:Right, I'm right there too.
Speaker 2:But my wife, she'll go pick him up, him, her, whichever. What happened? Baby, tell mom what's going on. Let me see it. Oh yeah, it looks like you are bleeding a little bit. Let's go get you a Band-Aid. He don't need a Band-Aid, He'll be all right. Yeah, yeah, no, she's nurturing, she's loving, she feels more. She's in touch with her children, more so. The woman is almost always more in touch with the children emotionally than men are. We could say she's in touch with her feminine side, which is a good thing. She's the caretaker of the home. She also cleans, she cooks, she supports the husband, she builds the family circle, not just her career, and I understand that we live in a world where a two-income home seems necessary. I'm not belittling the women that work I'm not. My wife did it for several years as well but their primary focus is the wife, and the mother should be on the home, not on advancing the career.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It is worth it to love to care for and to build your children up and watch them grow to love, and to take care of your husband. Watch them grow to love and to take care of your husband to help your children understand life better, to nurture them, versus sending them off for somebody else to raise. I believe that I know they have to go to school, I know they have to learn these things, but as the wife and the mother being there for your kids will make a huge difference.
Speaker 1:I think that's the difference too. I mean, that's why God made us that way, you know. I think that, just as your example, I'm the same way. I'm like, you're fine, like you, you bopped your head, you'll be fine. There's no bump, you know, know. You don't have a concussion, you're good, and my wife at least. I don't think you have a concussion my oldest.
Speaker 2:I'll interrupt this because, it's a funny story. My oldest, when she was like she was less than three, I think she wasn't quite three we were playing basketball at a rally after service and she ran onto the basketball court and a boy ran over her and broke her leg.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it wasn't just like hanging there. It's not good that I'm laughing. Oh, it's hilarious.
Speaker 2:It's bad. This tells you the difference. Yeah, you know it wasn't hanging there, so I mean this. You know, 180 pound dude just trampled her, yeah, so like I pick her up and you know I'm gonna sit out, guys go ahead. You know, yeah, and I'm sitting with her and I put her down, let her walk. And she, oh she pulled her leg up and Jay was like baby, something's wrong. I'm like, no, she'll be fine, dude just ran over, she's good, she'll live. For like 30 minutes we had this argument and then I kept trying to put her down so she could walk. She'd draw her leg back up. We finally took her to ER. She had a broken leg.
Speaker 1:So me, I'm like walk it off, you'll be good. If that was the case, my poor daughter would be walking with a limp to this day. She had struggles walking. Absolutely no, I'm the same. I'm like I don't. I just you're like trying to toughen them up a little bit. And the mom, my wife, she wants to love them and care for them and nurture them and all that.
Speaker 1:But I think that that's how God designed it. I think that that's how God designed it. I think that that's what God's purpose was. I mean, I would not want someone to think they have to tough it out every time they're faced with adversity. I also would not want them to think that they have to be big babies every time they're faced with adversity. I think that you know and that's just an example of it but I think that the reason why we are so different and we all help each other and play a different role in our kids' lives especially so that they will, you know, grow to see different points of view, especially, you know, see different angles hurt, not as much here, but hurt here, hurt when it matters. Hurt, you know, don't hurt when it doesn't matter. Um, if that makes any sense. And so I think that that's what, especially when it comes to the wife, I won't a lot of what you said. I think I have um outside of of. You know, wives, just submit to your husbands and everything will be fine. No, I'm just teasing.
Speaker 2:He's still working on Morgan.
Speaker 1:I'm still working on it so hard. No it it. It is a balance, there is help. It's not like I said, hey, you better obey my every command. It's, it's lead by Christ's example and that I think, in return, your wife will submit to your leadership and and we'll submit to where you take them.
Speaker 1:I wanted to point something out. I know we're going to talk about children for a little bit, or here in a little bit. Then I wanted to take a sidestep on when it comes to spouses. Again, you guys are going to hate me for this, and Brother Sean's already got us in a little bit of trouble on this live episode of the Everyday Christian Podcast. But I wanted to say really fast that when a man and a woman get married, they leave their parents and cleave to their wife or cleave to their husband, to their husband.
Speaker 1:I'm going to bring that out here because I feel it necessary to let some of you grandparents know that your grandson belongs to your son or daughter, vice versa, vice versa, when my wife and I have discussions about our home or about our kids, we can get advice from outside individuals, but that decision is ultimately up to me, it's ultimately up to my wife and I. I say that because I feel like a lot of times we have this relationship and it'sa really strange relationship or a duality of relationship, where it's like we have husband and wife not me personally, but I'm just saying individuals their husband and wife, and then they've got grandma and grandpa over here that are influencing husband's decision, and grandma and grandpa over here that are influencing husband's decision, and grandma and grandpa over here that it's influencing wives decision, and then they're torn about what they should do because of what they said. Just butt out of it, just leave it be, just leave it alone. I told you I'm going to get us in trouble when a man leaves his wife and listen to me husbands, listen to me wives when you leave the home and you get married and you join together as one, you are one, not everybody else, not your friends, not other family members, not your parents, not your grandparents, not your brother, not your sister.
Speaker 1:You are one, one. Every decision you make should be made as one, not as three, not as two, not as 15. My kids don't make decisions for my wife and I. We make the decisions for them. I wanted to throw that out there before we moved on.
Speaker 2:No, that's good. So when you're looking at the husband and the wife, or the father and the mother, it's very important to understand that the two shall leave and shall become one. Yeah, because kids need to see both sides of it. So for my daughters, they need to see a loving, caring mom and a loving and caring wife and see the good things that she does, see the bad things that she does, as we try to fix them and help my wife to be better. So they know what they want to be like when they grow up. Yeah, but they also need to see dad, because what they see in me is what they're going to be drawn to. Science proves this, yeah. So when they see dad that's loving and that's caring and that's a laborer and is the protector of the home, that's what they are drawn to. So when they grow up, that's what they're going to look for, right, and same thing for my son.
Speaker 2:He needs to see me being the protector and the laborer and the hunter and all these things. So he learns to be a man and to control himself and to be able to do all these things to do. He goes and works with me some. Even now, six years old. He'll come out every you know it's pretty pretty few and far between because he's got school and things but he'll come out and spend a day with me working so he can learn that Right. He needs to see how I treat my wife and that I treat her with respect and that I treat her well and that I bring her flowers or I take her on a date or these things. But he also needs to see mom and see the love and the care so he can say man, that's what.
Speaker 2:I want when I grow up that's what I desire is somebody who shows love. I want to be able to show my love to some lady, like dad does. I want to be able to show my love. I want to be able to buy somebody gifts and take them on a date. They see these things and they're going to want to do it as well.
Speaker 1:One thing before we move on. I just have to say Brother Rob, if you're listening, praise God. The man is straight cooking on the Facebook comments here. He says marriage is not bringing in a new family addition, it's a whole new family. Woo, praise.
Speaker 2:God, do you want to come be on with us?
Speaker 1:Brother Rob is actually going to be on the show at some point this year, in 2025. We've talked about it many times over the years and it's time to go ahead and pull the trigger on that, but he's already adding just extreme value. But it's so true, it's very right and I'll touch on I've said my piece on what Brother Rob said. So I appreciate that. But, touching on what Brother Sean said, so true, so true.
Speaker 1:I want to be the man that Emmeline grows up. I want to be like the man. I should say that I want Emmeline to grow up and marry. I want to be like that. I want her to see that value. When I see her, I tell her every day Emmeline, you're beautiful, just the way you are. You're beautiful. I love you, I care for you because I want her to to grow up and see um, you know, same thing with Morgan. Obviously she sees that, but I want her to see that and find y'all's the ones that are cooking. He said, um, but, but find someone, um, like that. You know, not like me, but I want to be someone that they can look up to. I wanted to mention something really fast, just a really really quick break here.
Speaker 2:Uh, we've got an exciting let me, let me throw something yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 2:And I got a little announcement we always see the positive and hope that everybody picks up on the positive and continues the positive Right, because science proves whatever you surround yourself by or whoever you're around, you're going to be like them. Yeah, but we fail to see the negative side of those things. And it's still true. You know my wife will make comments like well, this happened and I don't want to do that. Okay, don't put yourself in that position, and I'm not accusing my wife of doing anything wrong, necessarily. But if my kids see me loving and taking care of Jay, they're going to be like that's what I want, yeah for sure.
Speaker 2:But if my kids ever watch me hit my wife out of anger abusively, that's going to stick in the back of their minds too and that makes it that much easier for 20, 30 years down the road when it happens. It makes it that much easier for them to say that's the normal. Yeah, dad did it. So I mean, he only did it a couple of times and I've only done it once, so I'm still okay. Right, right. Again, this goes back to science. Study it out. What they see, they will reenact. Yeah, actions speak louder than words. We all say it. We all say it. Everybody says actions speak louder than words. And then we try to always play it off on the good. Yeah, which is I want the good, I want my kids to see the good, I want my wife to see the good in me. Right, but the bad goes with it. Yeah, if you're great, they're going to see the great and they're going to want to emulate the great. If they see rotten, guess what they're going to take it on as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, take it on as well. Yeah, yeah, no, I love that. I love that. I can't tell you how many times people I've I've seen studies that have been made where individuals grew up and they're like this is just how I thought it always was. Yeah, and you know what wives. I'm going to say something to you. I think that that you need to consider that, like, do you want your daughter to grow up and believe that that is the acceptable norm? I'll just say that and we'll move on.
Speaker 1:I wanted to make a mention of an exciting episode that we have coming up in. I think it's a month from now, a little less than a month from now, on January 10th, we are going to be hosting a debate between Nathan Mayo from Berean Holiness and Luke Beetz, who is a holiness evangelist who graduated from Ozark Bible Institute. They are going to be discussing doctrine standards and the gospel. It is going to be a debate about holiness that is coming up on February, the 10th, at 7 pm. We will release that episode. It's a very exciting time. Brother Sean and I are going to be the moderators for that. It's not going to be quite like a Trump and Biden debate. We're going to have some intelligent conversation from both ends. Not anything that's going to be a fight or anything that's going to be name-calling, like our good guy Trump likes to do, but it is going to be a civil conversation between two individuals about a very difficult subject. We pray that you look forward to that.
Speaker 1:I say that I mentioned that for you to tune into that episode, but also to say, if you have any questions that you would like for us, as moderators, to ask the individuals that are debating, nathan and Luke. If you have any questions about holiness, we'll keep putting feelers out there between now and then, but any questions about holiness, any holiness doctrines or standards you're unsure of or something that you would like to hear them discuss and debate about, please let us know. Again. That is February the 10th. We're going to be releasing that at 7 pm, that is, on a Monday. If you have any questions about that, please feel free to comment below. Message us on the podcast app of your choice or on the social media app. Of course, you can find us at Podcast4Him on every single social media platform. All right, as we end this, we're going to talk about the we're going to be releasing that, so it's not a live video.
Speaker 1:It's not a live video yet. We are going to be just releasing that. I think we're recording it on that Friday and then we'll be releasing it on that Monday, so just watch for it to come out. We'll continue to promote that again. Questions, comments or anything like that, please let us know. We'll be happy to help you on that. All right, as we end this episode, let's talk about the children, brother Sean.
Speaker 2:The children are the slaves of the home. No, I'm kidding Children Right Again. Sometimes it seems that way. They are the students of the home. Children have duties as well. Do you want to go a little bit on this one?
Speaker 1:Old Tommy Farrell just commented Good to see you guys. Good to see you, brother Tommy. Haven't seen you in a little while. Yeah, absolutely, we can talk about the children.
Speaker 1:Of course, if you're a child listening to this, I don't know why you would be, because we talk about a lot of adult things on here from a Christian perspective. But you know, obviously there's the children being obedient to the parents. But it just kind of flows back to the role as a parent. You know, am I being respectful to my children? I'm sort of taking a different aspect here and I'm going as a role for the parent, as opposed to the child to the parent. But you know, what are we teaching them? Are we discipling them? Are we being a good role model to them?
Speaker 1:You know, I think that that's an important thing to consider. Are we guiding them? Are we praying? Are we providing for them? Are we doing these things? That is biblical, that is showing them how to potentially be someone who does the same thing as they get older, as we talked about. So you want your children to obey you, but you roll with an iron fist and you say again my way, or the highway. That kid better not talk back to me or I'm going to backslap him. You know, backhand him, backslap him. I don't know what that means, backhand him. I guess backslap it would be smacking them on the rear. Maybe Sean's looking at me like I'm nuts.
Speaker 2:Anyway, on the rear, maybe sean's looking at me like I'm nuts. Anyway, sorry guys, sorry everybody. This is a live episode. I'm gonna take it over because apparently it was a mistake given to him so, anyway, the no, no, you're not.
Speaker 1:Just let me say what I got to say about this no, um it goes that abuse in this yeah, yeah, there's that abusive behavior again you know, it'll come out eventually if your children are wanting to communicate with you and they're wanting to talk to you, I think it's a very unwise thing to discipline first and then ask questions later.
Speaker 1:You know, I get it. There's times where the kid has to be instructed and corrected right then. And there I'm not saying not to do that, but I am saying that I think oftentimes and I see this a lot and I've made this mistake a lot too is Jackson will do something, jude will do something, emmeline will do something, and it's like immediate correction and it's so immediate that it comes out of my frustration or my anger. It's so immediate and quick. And then I find out five minutes later that they actually didn't do wrong. It was something they were reacting to or something mom told them to do, like I've had them do things and I'm like what are you doing? Like what are you in here?
Speaker 2:It's like mom told me to go do this.
Speaker 1:Why are you freaking out on me? I told you you better get in bed.
Speaker 2:But mom said, do the dishes. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure, and I think that you know, when it comes to being a parent, like I said, throughout this whole thing, we do not have it figured out, but at least I don't have it figured out. But to force our children to be obedient, to force our children to again take my way or the highway type of mentality, to force our children into that mentality, I think it's a grave mistake. I want my children to respect me. I don't want them to fear me. Children to respect me. I don't want them to fear me.
Speaker 1:You want to know what happens when your children become adults or become teenagers and they get pregnant before marriage and they don't want to talk to you about it. It's because you raised them with an iron fist and disrespected them and wanted to be a ruler as opposed to a leader. You know you want to know why your kids, when they make a mistake, they don't come up to you and tell you. A lot of that has to do with how you're raising them right now, and so I want you to consider that. You know we're talking about the children and the parent, um, the children parent relationship there, but I really want you to think about those things is the way I'm raising them right now. Are they going to want to talk to me about their troubles when they get older? Think about that.
Speaker 2:Yes, duties of the children honoring, respecting their father and mother, obeying their father and mother, seeking counsel from their father and mother, obeying their father and mother, seeking counsel from their father and mother and these are all things that Jonathan's went over and again this starts at the top.
Speaker 2:We get Christ first. Get him where we need him. Father husband, we need to start stepping up and doing what we need to. Mother wives start. You know. Whatever it is, we all have something. I'm sure if we went back and looked at all this, every one of us could find some more we're lacking and start trying to do better, and that opens the door for these things. You can't command your children or demand that your children obey you.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Because, again, that doesn't lead to much Right. But if we get it in order, it's easier for them to do these things. It's easier for us to teach them these things. The one I said I was going to rebuke you earlier, this is it right here. Here we go. This is where it makes it easier to yeah, forgiving your father and mother. I have had to go and ask my kids for forgiveness.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because I did something wrong absolutely again, not perfect, not gonna act like I am, but if I was the, the jerk, always abusive, always talking down to my kids. You're so stupid.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Why could you do something like that?
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:But I call my kids knuckleheads. Sometimes I'll be honest. Yeah, I picked that up from Todd Slogan.
Speaker 1:Call myself a knucklehead. Terrible role model, terrible role model, yeah he was a horrible role model.
Speaker 2:I'm kidding.
Speaker 1:Parsley maybe, I don't know.
Speaker 2:But it's easier when, as the husband and the father and the wife and the mother, we do these things. It's easier to get your children to come seek counsel from you because they messed up.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Or for them to honor and respect you for who you are and what you've done in their life. And it's easier for them to forgive you, right, if I was always talking down on my kids and abusing them and then 10 minutes later, hey, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have done it, they're probably going to say they forgive me or it's okay, most of the time it's probably going to be out of fear that if I don't forgive dad, he's going to lash out again. So let's just say and get it over with. So, even as children, we have role models to do or not role models, but we have roles to fulfill and to do. But a lot of it still points back to mom and dad. Yes, they do live under my roof. Yes, they are going to obey me. Yes, they are going to follow our rules. But how am I presenting that? Yeah, is it a? You're going to obey me my way or the highway? No, or is it? These are the rules. I'll bless you when you follow them and you'll be punished if you don't.
Speaker 2:That's something that even I've tried to learn here recently and tried to pick up on is, as parents, we're so quick to always condemn our kids when they do wrong Because they need punished, they need corrected. I understand, but how often do we tell them good job? Yeah, your kid comes home with all A's, or all A's and B's on their report card and you're just like cool, move on with your day. That's awesome. I'm so glad you're learning in school. I'm so glad you're getting smarter. I'm so glad you're furthering your career. Whatever. Yeah, whitley's getting to where she wants to cook with Jay Whitley. You're doing great helping mom in the kitchen. Wait, you're doing great helping mom in the kitchen.
Speaker 2:Brecken will go work with me. I'll give him, you know, five, ten bucks. He's so proud to have that and I'll sit there and tell him like man hey, buddy, you work hard, you be respectful, this is what you get. Right, he's like man, that's $10, could add. I have 114 now or whatever he has. But I want to not only correct my kids when they're wrong, but to encourage them when they're right. So this order will stay in place. Well, I think that that's sort of um, that's that.
Speaker 1:It's not sort of. That is how I grow. When I think about times in my life where I've struggled with something, the best way for me to overcome that or the best way for me to learn from that, was never when people were ridiculing of me or chastising me. It was when people took me aside and said look, you did this wrong. This is how you can correct it. But on the other side of that, it's like I was thinking about reviews. Have you ever given a review for some business that did something to you that was poor or gave poor service to you? Have you ever? I'll be honest with you. I don't know that I ever have, but I've always wanted to. But I know so many people that will just go on pages and just leave terrible reviews for businesses that did them wrong.
Speaker 1:We waited five extra minutes for a table. You know what? Yesterday I waited at Lopez Grill for one hour to be seated but that's a complete side note and I could have. I was aggravated man. I could have easily went on to Google and left a terrible review, but then I thought about it. I'm like you know what.
Speaker 1:Every other time I've been here they've been really quick and every time I've been here, I feel like the food's been hot, it's been good, the portion sizes have been great, they're always good and quick servers. I've always, I've always thought of that and I could have easily left a bad review, um, but I didn't want to because of all the good things and I think that we're very, we are very, very quick to give people criticism who make mistakes, and we, we I mean, how many times have you left a review for somebody that did something good? I know people that will relieve 50 reviews on 50 different sites for 50 different businesses, but they, they won't leave a single review or good comment or good feedback to individuals that are doing good and for some reason, we're hardwired to be that way.
Speaker 2:I do that, like I go on to Amazon to look at something. Yeah, if it's like 60% good and 40% bad, then I'm like, okay, well, obviously, if it's that you know there's a whole bunch of people that probably are having such a great time with this product that they never even thought to go leave a good review on it.
Speaker 1:You just think that yeah.
Speaker 2:So if it's a 60 40, I'm really like it's probably like 80 20 yeah, but if it's like 70 bad and 30 good, then I'm like okay, there there might be something wrong yeah, we're leaving you some some amazon buying tips and but that that is true though that's the way my mind works, because I go look back and I'm like dude, I've ordered this and I order all these things for my wife for Christmas.
Speaker 2:She's not going to go back and leave a review on it when she likes it, so I'm like I mean how much have I spent in the last 10 years on my wife and for our family that I never went back? I mean you're 100% right.
Speaker 1:Well, we're hardwired to show the negative and I think a lot of the times and look, I may have been hitting the nail on the head but I may be missing completely I think a majority of the time it's because of our own issues and our own downfalls. You know, when my kids do something wrong and I'm really really fast to just be harsh with them and judge them and tell them something they did bad I reflect and I think about it. It's usually because of something that I've been facing, or it's usually because of something I I've done wrong or I've struggled with, or it's a reflection of of myself. And we do that, that same thing. We sort of we've said this before. We do this often as individuals. I don't remember what episode we talked about this on, but 64. Episode 64. We've said this before but we sort of look at ourselves as perfection and if other individuals don't live up to ourselves, then they're not living up to perfection.
Speaker 1:But I've got a newsflash for you. Here it is You're not perfection. You do not have all the answers. You do not have it all right, especially when it comes to your kids. If your kids make a mistake, you're not always going to discipline them correctly. You're not always going to do the right thing. You can try, yes, but I want you to remember that every single time before. Stop, take two seconds, and I'm not saying I'm perfect, brother Sean. I fail in this all. I am so quick sometimes. What are you doing? And they'll be like oh you know, but ever so often I stop and I think, um, but ever so often I stop and I think where was I when I was their age? What was my mindset when I was them? What was I going through? What was I thinking? What was I facing? I put myself in their shoes because I've been there, I've been in that position. I'm so quick to judge them and say you need to meet up to my level and meet up to where I'm at. But you know what, when I was their age, my level wasn't where it is today.
Speaker 1:I think that it's good to discipline, it's good to correct, it's good to give constructive criticism to your children, but I also think that we need to take a step back and think about where they are in life and how do I develop them to be where I am? I don't even want my kids to be where I am today. I want my kids to be greater than I am, what do I do and what steps do I take? Am I going to talk negatively to them all the time just because of issues that I'm facing personally, or am I going to tell them and show them? Am I going to give them the good and then give them the bad? Am I going to say you know what, jackson? These three things I think you did great, but you struggled and you made a mistake here. We have to learn to do that and take a step back, breathe. It's not the end of the world, listen. It's not the end of the world when your kid does something wrong, so stop making them feel like it is, brother Sean.
Speaker 2:Yes, no, I agree. That's all I have.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Is that everything you have?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's all I have. I appreciate everybody who's listening. We've had a lot of comments on here. Caleb Ison yes, you're hitting the nail on the head, man. Good, good to hear that.
Speaker 1:Here's Rob Merrill. We're going to have him on the podcast. He just doesn't know yet. He says a tyrant seeks blind obedience, a leader communicates, guides and instructs. And he says we want to train our kids to submit to godly leaders, not tyrants. I really appreciate that. Thank you for everybody who's listened in, who's followed this live. I think we've been going just a little I say just a little over about an hour and 15 minutes the longest podcast we've ever done, praise God. But thank you all for listening, joining in, liking, sharing, commenting. Please continue to do that. Please subscribe to our podcast on the podcast platform of your choice by searching the Everyday Christian Podcast. That's the Everyday our two separate words Christian podcast. You can search us on that. You can search us on the social media platform of your church by choice, by searching at podcast for him, that is, at podcast, the number for him, and I think that we used to have a banner that showed all that. But anyway, we want to thank you all for listening. No-transcript.
