The Every Day Christian Podcast
The Every Day Christian Podcast (also known as The Everyday Christian Podcast) is a bi-weekly show that helps apply scriptural principles to every day Christian lives!
The Every Day Christian Podcast
98| They’re Not The Future Church; They’re The Church
“They’re not the future church; they’re the church.” That line anchors a candid, practical conversation about leading teens with truth, empathy, and real responsibility. We share how youth ministry becomes alive when we stop performing for students and start partnering with them—listening to their world, handing them the mic, and walking with them through hard questions and honest confession.
We start by reframing relevance: you don’t need to dress young to reach young. What you do need is social awareness. Learn the terms students actually use, understand how meanings shift week to week, and treat that fluency as an act of care. Then we tackle social media with nuance. It’s not the enemy; it’s a tool. We outline how to harness platforms for connection and discipleship while teaching discernment, boundaries, and the difference between attention and formation.
From there, we get specific about sharing ministry with youth—greeting, tech, devotionals, prayer, service projects, and even teaching. We talk about the fear of mistakes and why coaching beats control. When theology needs tuning, turn it into a study lesson: how to use commentaries, compare translations, and build a biblical argument. The result is confidence anchored in Scripture, not stage time.
The heart of the episode is open communication. We urge leaders to stop beating around the bush, tell the truth with kindness, and say “I don’t know” when needed. We model how to welcome challenges during teaching and why your ministry must retire the taboo list: doubts, sexuality, porn, mental health, social issues, and tough doctrines require clear, age‑wise conversations. Finally, we map how to build a culture where confession is safer than concealment—responding without shaming, creating next steps, looping in care, and celebrating growth over perfection.
If you’re ready to see teens serve, think deeply, and trust you with their real lives, this one’s for you. Subscribe, share with a fellow leader, and leave a review with one topic you want us to tackle next.
It is a harm to your young people to want to do ministry, but not invite them to do it with you because you don't feel like teaching them. I'm going to say that again. It is a harm to your young people to want to do ministry, but not invite them to do it with you because you don't want or you don't feel like teaching them. You must realize that your ministry is twofold in the fact that you aren't just helping the hurting, you're also teaching the help. Sean is not able to be with us this evening. We I'm in my uh home office, I guess, if you call it that, doing this podcast episode, uh praying that everything goes smoothly. Of course, we know it doesn't always go smoothly, um and uh things happen, so just bear with us. Uh I do say that every episode. I'm saying it again for probably the third straight episode, but bear with me tonight. If you're having trouble with the video, um if it's not displaying correctly, at the very least, listen to the audio because um my prayer is that uh I can help an individual tonight who is struggling, or help an individual tonight who has questions that they need answered. Tonight I want to discuss something that is very near and dear to my heart. I was asked about two and a half years ago to be a youth pastor. I had no clue what I was doing, and in some aspects, I still don't know what I'm doing. I never thought I would be in a position of a youth pastor, but God orchestrated it in such a way, and it has caused me to have a passion for youth more than I've ever had before. And with that comes challenges, of course, with that comes different aspects of ministry that I'm not used to, and maybe you as a young minister or a youth pastor, maybe you're not used to either. And this episode, it is designed, I guess, to help you, it is designed to challenge you, it is designed uh not to ridicule or belittle you, um, but maybe to shed light on different areas that you could improve on. We all could improve on, I should say. And so my title tonight is They're Not the Future Church, they are the church. They're not the future of the church, they are the church. Now we likely won't cover everything in this episode. It may be a two-parter. We may finish it this evening. I don't know how it goes. I am that type of preacher, and I try, try, try not to be that says I won't go too long and then I end up going an hour and a half. Please understand me, I'm trying my best to stick within 30 to 45 minutes. But if we can finish this in 45 minutes, that'd be great, but we'll see how it goes. I wanted to talk to you about a few things that you need to begin doing if you're going to be an effective youth leader. And I mentioned before I've I've been youth pastor for two and a half years, but I've helped youth in different aspects of ministry most of my um years as a Christian in some way or another. But I want to talk to you about things you can do to be an effective youth leader. One of the things that you can do is you could have a social awareness. Social awareness that means that you need to be caught up with the times, that you need to be able to connect to your young people. I fear many of you just misinterpreted what I said. I did not say compromise, I did not say be like the world, I did not say um do things as the world does them, but I did say bring yourself into this century. The gospel is powerful, the word of God is powerful, it's just as powerful today. The gospel is just as powerful today as it was hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years ago. But that does not mean that I have to only be caught up with times of a hundred years ago. I need to bring myself to this century. I fear uh uh, you know, I think a lot of times we hear that and we think as youth ministers, and luckily I haven't fallen too far into this, but we think that we have to wear certain things as older people. I'm not saying you're old, but as older people that make you look like younger people. I'm not saying do that. I'm not saying uh what I am saying is set the tight jeans aside, okay? I don't have to dress like a young person. I don't have to dress like a young person to have social awareness. But what I am saying is you need to be aware of what is going on in their social structures, what is going on in their culture? You need to be aware of their language. What are they saying? What are they trying to communicate to you? Which, by the way, we are live here. Um, if you're listening to the podcast, you're not live, but if you are watching it, we are live. Please leave a comment, please ask a question. I love, love, love questions. Please feel free to ask a question. But I am saying that we need to be aware of social influences that they have on their lives. We need to be aware of their language. What are they saying? You might find it silly, you might find it unappealing, but languages and meanings of words, languages and meanings of words are drastically changing right before your very eyes, even more so than they ever have before. And I know that that's kind of a cliche, you know, that's happening quicker than it ever has before. I can tell you firsthand experience, a word I thought was cool last Wednesday is not going to be cool tomorrow when I go into youth and try to teach them or try to relay the word of God to them. I made a post a few months back and I even discussed this at our HMA conference last year. It would benefit you to learn their language and incorporate it into your messages or conversations with them. Some of you may disagree with that, but it will make them laugh. It may even embarrass some of them. But you'd be amazed at how many young people love to hear you use their words, especially if you use them properly. I don't use their words just to get them to like me, but I use them because I want them to know, and this is really what I'm getting at why you should use them, is because you need to let them know that you care about where they are in life. You care about the languages that they choose to use. You need to familiarize yourself with their language. Let me give you give some words to you, see if you can um understand what they mean. Bet no cap suslay stan. You know, oh man. A couple Sunday, not a couple Sundays, a few months ago, it's probably been like six to eight months ago now. I was in Sunday morning service, and one of my youth group came up to me and they were talking about something. I can't remember what subject it was, and they said, bro, it's gas. And I'm like, I have no idea if that's good or bad. Apparently it's a good thing. It's it's gas, bro. Apparently it's a good thing. These sound hilarious. I get it. But if you want to understand what your young people are saying, it would benefit you to understand the meanings of the words that they are using. Some of them are hilarious. I talked to a youth pastor at camp this past camp season, I think back in July. And she was talking about how she said a word, and all the kids in her class began to laugh because the word she was using while it used to be an everyday word or phrase or something that was clean has been turned into something vulgar. Now, I'm not saying all look, I just gave you a list of words. I'm not saying all of those words are vulgar. In fact, I don't think any of the words I just gave you are vulgar. But you need to be aware of language that is changing if you are going to be an effective youth leader, youth pastor, youth minister. You can disagree with me, you can argue with me all you want, but I am telling you, if you're gonna reach young people, you've got to begin to incorporate those social things into your life. You need to have an understanding of social media. There is nothing, I'm gonna say this, some of you are gonna hate me, but it makes no sense because you're on Facebook watching or on YouTube watching or on Instagram watching, but there is nothing biblically wrong with social media. There is nothing biblically wrong with social media. Sean just commented. It also doesn't mean that you shouldn't utilize social media to connect to your group, your young people. On average, 51% of young people spend almost five hours a day. I think it's like 4.8 on social media. You need to understand how to combat that in a way that does not paint social media as the devil, but that also shows the danger of misusing it. It's important to understand what your young people are socially going through, what their languages are, what their culture says. Social media can be a hammer. I think someone put it best when they said that it can be a hammer. You can build up with social media or you can tear down. You need to be aware of these things. The second thing that you need to understand is that young people can help in ministry. Now, I'm gonna be honest, I gotta be honest with you. Sometimes I struggle with this. Sometimes it's difficult to get a teen to want to wake up in the morning to go provide lunches to the hungry families, or to want to go and help a ministry in the middle of a weekday. I get that. But just because it can be difficult at times does not mean that you shouldn't try or that you shouldn't push them to help. If they're old enough to learn, they're old enough to help. The disciples of Jesus were likely between the ages. Listen to this. We don't know exact ages, but considering different factors, the disciples of the disciples of Jesus were likely between the ages of late teenage years to late 20s. 17, 18, 19, all the way to 29, late 20s. But Jesus took those individuals and showed them true ministry. They helped with true ministry. They made mistakes, they got lost, they didn't know what to do at times, but Jesus had them helping anyway. It is a harm to your young people to want to do ministry, but not invite them to do it with you because you don't want or you don't feel like teaching them. You must realize that your ministry is twofold in the fact that you aren't just helping the hurting, you are also teaching the help. You're not just helping the hurting, you're also teaching the help at the same time. It's okay to ask your young people to lead youth service. It's okay to ask your young people to teach or preach. Like, well, what did they say something wrong? What if they say something that's you know not quite biblically biblically accurate? Teach them. Teach them how to study the word of God. Teach them how to become scholars of the Bible. Give them resources to help them learn. Don't just, you know, I think it was uh it was Timothy, you know, Paul's writing to Timothy, let no man despise your youth. We see age and we think limit. We see age and we push limitations. Your young people are better than that. I have seen young people after young person after young person do ministry and some of it even more effective than I could ever do it. Or they would speak to individuals and young people and other uh, you know, people in their class or people their age, whatever. I've seen them speak to those individuals and help them more than I ever could. But you don't want to teach the ministry because of the inconvenience that it causes you. They can help with ministry. Now, I'm I'm getting to the final section of this. This will probably take me the longest. It's the bread and butter of this episode when it comes to helping young people in your ministry. You've got to help them socially understand where they're at socially, understand their languages. You've got to help them realize that they can help in ministry. And finally, biggest thing ever, if you want to grow your ministry, you know, I'm not giving you a um, you know, here's a prayer cloth, and if you uh take this prayer cloth and whatever, like your ministry is gonna explode. I'm not giving you a uh quick fix to building your ministry, but I am saying if you want to reach young people in a way that you never had before, this last point is is probably one of, if not the most important, aspect. And that is you need to have open doors of communication with your young people. You need to have open doors of communication with your young people. Teens are very interesting creatures in the fact that they love to be listened to, they love to tell you about their day, they love to tell you about what happened last week, they love to tell you a joke, or they love being made to feel comfortable with themselves and being themselves. It is not a one-way road. It is not a one-way line of communication. When you're talking with young people, it's not your way or the highway. They get that from everywhere else, and they get that enough everywhere else. Many of them, I know there's individuals in my youth group currently that have parents that won't listen to them. Many of them have friends that are using them. Many of them have struggles that they will not share with anyone because they are either A, not listened to, or B, made to feel bad or made to feel as though they have to walk on glass when they're speaking to others. But not you. Not you as their leader, not you as their youth pastor, not you as their helper. I'm not asking you to be their parent. That's the parent's job, but what happens when the parent isn't doing their job? Do you realize how many young people have come up to me and said, Thank you for listening to me? Thank you for talking to me. You made me feel like a human. I can't tell you how many times I've been at a youth camp, youth services, youth retreat, um, youth revivals, youth rallies, where the minister will get up and preach a message trying to draw young people to an altar, and then afterwards has nothing to do with the young people, doesn't talk with them, doesn't share with them, doesn't give them insight, doesn't disciple them, but instead talks to the adults, eats with the adults, and then leaves. I'm gonna tell you right now if you're a minister preaching at those kind of congregations, you are never going to connect with young people by shutting them out and only having an open line of communication with them when you're preaching, that is one way. We often see them for their age and look down on them, even though they're humans. They have emotions, they have hurt, they care, and they just want someone to talk to. And opening doors for communication with young people, there are a few key points in keeping those doors and lines open. Number one, you need to stop beating around the bush. You need to stop beating around the bush. The the first year I was saved, saved in February, and February of 07. And that July we went to a youth camp. I felt the call to preach even before I was saved. I felt just that drawing, I can't explain it, don't ask. But we were at this youth camp, one of the very first ones I went to, in fact, it may have been the first one I ever went to. And I attended, and after the altar service was getting close to being finished, I asked the leader of that camp if I could stand and testify in the middle of the altar service. I had zeal, I had passion, I wanted to share what I was thinking or what I thought God was speaking to me and through me. And I was told by the head of the lead uh pastor that there would be a time for testimonies later on, and that I could share them then, only to find out that there wasn't a time for testimonies. I couldn't share what was on my heart. Now look, understand something real quick. I don't fault that leader at all. I believe he handled it as the best that he knew how, but the reality is that I should have been simply told no. I know that shocks you. You might think that I would have said, he should have let me up there to testify. No. I was young, I was zealous, I had no idea what I was doing, no idea what I was saying, no idea the timing issue. I didn't know or think about any of that. So he should have said no, not at this moment, but maybe later on. No, not at this moment, but if there's an opportunity later, we will make it happen. Because I needed that bluntness and I needed that truth. And unfortunately, as leaders, we become so afraid of truth, not because we don't believe it, but because we don't want to hurt someone. And sometimes it's a little bit of both. While I understand the sentiment and reasoning behind that mindset, I want you to know that beating around the bush does more hurt than the truth does. Beating around the bush does more hurt than the truth does. If someone tells me the truth about a situation, it hurts me for a little bit. But eventually I get over it. I become mature enough to handle it. I change my mind, I have an understanding. But if someone tells me a lie about that situation, it hurts for a very long time. And even if I do get over it, it takes me a long time to trust that individual again, if I ever do. Young people are hungry for truth. They're seeking truth. They want truth. When you're asked a question and you give some made-up answer because you want to feel scholarly, and it turns out to be a dumb answer, or one that you can't take back, you are beating around the bush when a simple I don't know, but I'll find out would suffice. Your young people need to know that you don't know everything, or that you don't have all of the answers. I get it. Well, I'm pastor, I should have all the answers. You don't. That's reality. The problem is we like to live in fairy tale land instead of living in reality. Fairy tale land says I know everything about the Bible and no one can come against me. But reality is I'm still 15, 16, 17 years into my salvation, still learning things about the Bible, still learning biblical truths and biblical principles. Fairy tale land says it is my way or the highway, but reality says, my way may be one way, but it may not always be the right way. Your young people need to know that you don't know everything. Stop pretending that they are too young to learn truth, no matter how hard it is, because I guarantee that they have heard and are hearing worse daily. Young people are starving for truth while some in my generation and the generations before me fear conversation. Oh, fear it, don't want to talk about it. Feel as though if I have conversation or if I have a little bit of an argument or a little bit of a disagreement, then for like somehow I'm not being Christ-like. Go through your Bible and tell me if Christ ever had a disagreement that he vocally told someone. You're gonna find it. Stop believing and thinking that if I have difficult conversations, even with my young people, that that automatically means that I'm not being Christ-like. In fact, it's being more Christ-like to have those conversations. We can't beat around the bush. There is a way to speak as the Bible says, seasoned with salt, a way that is truthful and maybe at times hurtful, a way that is proper to handle, or a proper way to handle things. Don't be mean. Not saying you should yell or be little. I'm not saying that you should treat your young people as lowly peasants, but I am saying that you need to speak the truth to them in boldness, even if the answer is I don't know. I had a young, um, a couple of young guys a couple weeks ago. I was preaching, I was teaching, I was telling, you know, truths about um different social things that were going on and what the Bible said about them. And I had a young man come up to me after I was teaching. Look, I'm not bragging, um, this is my own testimony, and he said, Thank you for saying that. And I'm talking about things it was rather hard, it was rather harsh. I questioned whether I should say it, I'll be honest, but it was truth. And I said it in a way that wasn't harmful, and he said, Thank you for saying that. No one has ever said that kind of stuff to us before, and man, did that just smite me, right, smote me right in the heart. It hurt. Because this guy, 17 years old, maybe fixing to turn 18, had never heard, he's been to church several times throughout his life, had never heard another minister tell him the truth in that way. You need to speak the truth in boldness, even if the answer is I don't know, or the answer is I'll find out later, or the answer is somewhat hurtful. Another key, and this is somewhat hand in hand with the blunt or boldness aspect, and that is as far as open door of communication, is we don't allow questions. We do not allow questions. And when I say this, I need you to know that I'm not talking about elementary biblical questions. Some of you are saying, Well, I always allow people to ask me questions in regards to um whether or not Noah built the ark or whether, you know, I'm just throwing stuff out there. But I'm talking about the times when you preach or teach something that you feel God has laid on your heart, and a student or a young person challenges that. Not that they are being defiant, but that they are challenging or questioning or wondering. We have this mindset, and it's a really strange mindset that for some reason, because we're called to be youth pastors, because God laid something on our heart, because God has anointed us, that that automatically negates people asking questions about something that we study for. Well, I studied for seven hours on this sermon. I can't believe this person would ask a question about that. Yeah, but you're human. Maybe you made a mistake, maybe you didn't clarify it good enough, maybe you need to do more. If I stand up and teach or preach against abortion, and one of my students either during or afterwards raises their hand or approaches me after service and plays the devil's advocate or ask a question that is ask questions that is contradiction to what I taught or preached, and they are doing it with a genuine attitude and desire to learn. I don't turn that individual away. I don't say it's my way or the highway. I don't say you aren't supposed to ask those kinds of questions. I don't say you need to study a little bit more or go ask someone else. I listen. I listen. I have an open ear, I have an open heart, I have an open mind. Not because my heart and mind will be changed necessarily, though it could cause me to study or search more, but because I want to get a grasp on how a young person thinks. Because I want to grasp the mindset that asks or causes that question. The fact is that most of you are afraid of particular questions being asked because you don't have the answer, or you are not as firm in your belief of your answer. This thought. Get a firm foundational belief surrounding subjects that are tough, surrounding subjects that are hush hush. And that brings me to my next point as far as keeping doors of communication open. And that is we need to stop treating certain subjects like they are taboo just because we're in a church. Say that again. You're gonna get hurt, you're gonna hate me. I'm telling you how to reach and help young people. We need to stop treating certain subjects like they are taboo just because we are in the church. I'm gonna go down a list really fast, a brief list. There's may way more than this. Of things that you think are taboo but are actually needed within church and needed within this discussions to your young people. Doubts and questions. Is it okay to question God? That's not taboo. That's something you need to talk about. Relationships, relationships and sexuality. That's not taboo. That's those are those are things you need to discuss and you need to address. Men are struggling with porn and lust. Women are struggling with um how to properly attract someone. Um a subject you think is taboo that really isn't and should be discussed is mental and emotional health. Every time you hear the words mental and emotional health, you roll your eyes and you turn off this podcast. But I am telling you, there are reasons why young people are mentally hurting. There could be a physical aspect to it, but they are mentally and emotionally hurting. You think that social issues are taboo, like gun control and abortion, and immigration. You think global issues are taboo, like Israel and Palestine. You think doctrines, certain doctrines, are taboo, like the Book of Revelation. The list goes on and on and on. There are things in question that your young people have about subjects that they are dealing with on a daily basis. And I'm sorry, but if you are not if you are not addressing issues that young people are dealing with on a daily basis, you might want to find another profession. They are facing it on a daily basis, but they're afraid to ask or talk about it. Because you have created a culture and an environment that says, if it's not something I dealt with when I was younger, then it isn't relevant. Or if it's not something we can preach from behind the pulpit, it isn't right to talk about anywhere else. Or if brother or sister so-and-so were here, what would they think or what would they say? You can be strategic. I'm not saying go and talk about pornography in front of people of the opposite sex. But your young men need to know how to break free from that addiction. I'm not saying be vulgar. Vulgarity comes from a mind that is immature spiritually and physically, but there are subjects that young people are facing that they need to know you have their backs about. That you'll find an answer. That you'll do everything you can to help them, which again brings me to my final point regarding the open door communication. And then I'll close. And that is you are not fostering, or you need to be fostering, a culture of communication from them to you. A culture of communication from them to you. I want to ask you this question. If one of your young ladies in your church came up to you and said, I made a mistake, I smoked pot with my friends, and I've been trying to quit, but I had a relapse. What if she did that and your answer was something along the lines of, What were you thinking? Like, how could you do that? Are you stupid? When are you gonna grow up? When are you gonna change? Why would you make a mistake again after knowing all these things? If you just sit there and belittle and ridicule and hurt. What if that same young lady that went came up to you and said that and I belittled them and I said any amount or or any of those things I just mentioned, and that same young lady was ridiculed for something small like this, and I call it small in the grand scheme of things, why would she approach you or your wife or someone within the church leadership if she later got pregnant out of wedlock? I ask that because these things are serious and they're happening. You need to have a viewpoint that is not so boxed in that when people who are human commit sin that is transgression against God's word, that you look at them less than human. They are human just like you are human. I have told our young people many, many a time that if you ever do anything that is a mistake, if you ever do anything that hurts you or someone else, if you ever do anything that you don't feel like you're comfortable to talk to anyone else about, I want you to know that I'm here for you, that I love you, that I care about you, and that I will not, I've told them this many times, I will not belittle you. You need to have such an open door and such a love in your heart that when a young person confides in you about a huge mistake that they made, they know they are confiding in someone who is not there to belittle, who is not there to hurt, who is not there to yell, but they are confiding in someone, confiding in someone who can help. Be careful with what you believe is helping, it could actually be hurting. Be careful with what you believe is helping, it could actually be hurting. Open door of communication open door of communication. You've got to have social awareness, understand their language, understand social media, understand that the music that they listen to today is going to be different than what you listened to back in the 60s, and it's probably going to be more doctrinally correct than what you listened to in the 60s too. I said it. Ask me about it later if you need to. And most importantly, you've got to have an open door of communication. Not a one-way street, not just you preaching, not just you yelling, not just you teaching, but you listening. One of the key aspects in coaching is having an open ear to listen. Because you could have a different understanding after you listen. But even more important than that, those young people that you're pastoring are talking and nobody else is listening. Those young people that you're pastoring are saying stuff that no one else is hearing. You need to be that listening ear. You need to be those open arms. You need to be that individual that helps instead of hurts. They are not the future church, they are the church. And as their minister, pastor, leader, it is your job to help. I want to thank everybody who um is listening to this episode. I pray that it helped you in some way, form, or fashion. Please, if you have any questions, the comment box is right there. You can leave a comment on YouTube, Twitch. I know we're on um Facebook on our podcast and Facebook on HMA. So please, please, please leave us a comment in there or question or message us directly. Of course, if you're listening to this um over Buzz Sprout or over Apple or any other podcast platform, you can find us on the social media platform of your church by choice by searching at podcast the number four him. That's at podcast the number four him. And if you're watching this video and you want to know how to find our audio version, you can search us at the everyday Christian Podcast. It's up there on the screen. The Every and Day are two separate words. Don't put them together or you're not going to be able to find us. The Everyday Christian Podcast. Two separate words there. You will be able to find us on the podcast platform of your choice. I wanted to again say God bless. Thank you all for listening in. We will be back. Hopefully, we plan on next Tuesday to do a really controversial episode and lesson there. Please join us there as well. And God bless you, and you all have a good night.
